I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
