It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
