I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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