still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
