I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
