he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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