So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
