Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
