is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
