i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how drunk are you?
Several
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
