He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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