Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
