great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
