he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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