I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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