Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
