I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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