Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
