So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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