you would pick up someone in the library
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
