Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
