White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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