your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
