I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
