please come you make the beer taste better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
