I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
