Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
