i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
