May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
