i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
