what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
