i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
