I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
