I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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