Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
