I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
