I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
