She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
