he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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