Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
