saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
