How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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