as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
