Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
