I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
