We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
