ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
