There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
