My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
