if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
