I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
